St. Remedius Medical College: “Urine the Money”

Even In An Age of Miracle And Wonder, There Are Always Grifters

(Who was St. Remedius? And why is a medical college named after him?)

The Dallas and the Texas that St. Remedius Medical College was sequestered within was and still is a haven for sometimes cryptic and sometimes blatant wonders. From Fury Fiesta to the great fae nesting grounds of Plano, Dallas was and is full of weirds, odds, and anomalies, to the point where locals are somewhat blase to the mysteries. Completely understandable, considering the number of paychecks in the greater Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex coming from advanced technologies development and corporate thaumaturgy: when your livelihood is dependent upon the harnessing and manipulation of strange energies and mathematics, it’s hard to become overly enthused over the latest developments in single-point power or geomantic resonance, especially when a report or white paper released in the morning could be completely obsolete by evening.

Sadly, no matter the wonders, there are always those willing to turn away from confirmed fact and embrace pseudoscience and nonmagick. Some do so out of a misunderstanding of confirmation bias. Some do so for money and power, and some do it just because they’re jerks. Since its earliest days, the Order of St. Remedius spent as much time debating and debunking false exonormal claims, hoaxes, and flimflammery as chronicling and cataloguing real events and entities, and its efforts continue with subsequent generations. The Zwinge Foundation is just one group dedicated to fending off the darkness, but no matter the proofs that a particular (and usually very, very old) lump of codswallop has no validity behind it, they keep coming from adherents certain that a nebulous “They” don’t want the world to know a cheap and easy shortcut around techniques and technologies confirmed years and sometimes eras before.

Every year in the United States alone, millions of dollars are spent on dubious and point-blank fraudulent medical “treatments” that have no effect or benefit shown after multitudes of double-blind tests. Ureter irrigation. Crystal piezotherapy. Homeopathic technetium and neptunium “cures” for string warts and levamisole necrosis. Magnetic “meninges manipulation” for migraines and ADHD. “Salt removal” tablets that promised to “assist and augment your body’s natural proper salt adsorption” made mostly of recycled cardboard and bat semen. Harvested bile from the gall bladders of captive hodags and kelpies. Strontium/europium weight loss pills and trinitite rectal suppositories. Future incarnation tracking devices. Every time a know-nothing health influencer or fraudulent MLM supplement factory is shut down or at least expected to follow the law, ten more pop up with promises that “Doctors/psychers/mages won’t tell you what’s really going on,” and even the ones without dangerous side effects waste users’ money and time.

One particularly pernicious scam involved “Dinowater,” a treatment available in 500 mL and 1-liter bottles that verged on promising treatment of such diseases as scurvy, dropsy, moe, and Cottontail, sold in the “Bulldada” section of most grocery stores. Billed as “water from the Dinosaur Age,” it turned out that not only was it a redux of urine therapy, but present-day urine freshly collected from areas near radioactive spring water. Even with the subsequent debunking and health warnings, unopened bottles of Dinowater still sell for extreme amounts online, and the demand led to multiple counterfeit rings adding radium and uranium to their own collected urine to keep up with regular customers. While the actual sale of authentic Dinowater stopped several years ago, a thriving industry in T-shirts and other accessories continues using the original logo, and state and federal legislatures around the planet usually feature at least one bill per session calling for the legalization of Dinowater “for the purposes of world health.”

Outside of medical treatments, pseudoscience and nonmagick continue. Whether it’s repellents for long-extinct cryptids, sigils for nonexistent “magical attacks” from deep space, or amulets protecting from vuja de seizures, the demand for unaccountable and irreproducible cures and processes continue, with no signs of their abating. Education, law, and even documentaries proving their ineffectiveness do little against their spread, and probably never will.

Want to get caught up on the St. Remedius story so far? Check out the main archive. Want more hints as to the history of St. Remedius Medical College? Check out Backstories and Fragments. Want to forget all of that and look at cat pictures from a beast who dreams of his own OnlyFans for his birthday? Check out Mandatory Parker. Questions, concerns, and disgust over generative AI? Check out Contact, Privacy Policy, and AI Policy. And feel free to visit the St. Remedius Medical College Redbubble shop for all of your Mandatory Parker needs.

Dinowater fraud St. Remedius Zwinge Foundation