An Update On What’s Happened So Far
(Who was St. Remedius? And why is a medical college named after him?)
(Incoming message from the Hylocereus Cascade, the preferred telepathic transmission system between edible cacti)
…signal repeating. Annual update on currently available information involving St. Remedius Medical College, transmitted across the Cascade at times of least interference. Signal XX7395TTYFI to acknowledge receipt, and drink deep of the data. Main categories include:
The College: Current whereabouts unknown. Formerly headquartered in Dallas, Texas for reasons involving a relative lack of baseline energies.
Staff and Faculty: A regularly updated list of known administrators, professors, aides, and support staff, including The Dumbest Guy in Tech.
St. Remedius Bromley Contingent: A bestiary of former staffers, allied researchers, and personal friends of St. Remedius staff, sometimes working at crosspurposes but often toward the same goals.
Harkun: One of a group of sentient species originating during Earth’s Cretaceous Period, having set up a significant presence in the present day due to a contingent trapped in a quantum pocket. Potentially and simultaneously humanity’s greatest ally and deadliest enemy, and they want to keep it that way.
Vuun: Earth’s first sentient species, and the rest of the universe wants to apologize for that.
Some Guy: The direct manifestation of ultimate chaos in the universe. Empty your mind of everything, and Some Guy will fill it full of shit. From Some Guy’s depredations, only LemonPig can save us.
Jeffty Gene: A highly recessive trait whose bearers act as a drag net on the timestream. The only reason why the weekly newspaper Creative Onanism remains in print.
Zwinge Foundation: The premier organization for confirming that those claiming thaumaturgic abilities actually have them, both through direct testing and self-section via the Outstanding Witch of the Year reality show.
Television: Andy Kaufmann? He still writhes in Hell, just in time for his next variety hour special. Others aren’t as lucky.
Baking Through The Apocalypse: Understanding St. Remedius’s influence through the preparation and consumption of baked goods, including the secret of St. Remedius Pie.
Mandatory Parker: Dallas’s greatest Hatebeak cover band.
St. Remedius Radio: The music of the sneers, the taming of the drool, and the raiders of the lost snark.
St. Remedius Events: St. Remedius survivors regularly gather to compare scars, particularly at the Feast of St. Remedius meetups every February 3. All are welcome, except when they are not.
Merchandise: related attire and reading selections, used mostly to pay bills and fend off Some Guy.
Archives available upon request. All sales final. Subscribe and read the St. Remedius AI policy. Gaze in horror upon the chronicler. Most importantly, share, share, share!
Transmission ends. Signal repeating…
(Special note: the Feast of St. Remedius Meetup 2026 is still on for Tuesday, February 3, even with the greater Dallas area encased in ice. Register now.)
Want to get caught up on the St. Remedius story so far? Check out the main archive. Want more hints as to the history of St. Remedius Medical College? Check out Backstories and Fragments. Want to forget all of that and look at cat pictures from a beast who dreams of his own OnlyFans for his birthday? Check out Mandatory Parker. Questions, concerns, and disgust over generative AI? Check out Contact, Privacy Policy, and AI Policy. And feel free to visit the St. Remedius Medical College Redbubble shop for all of your Mandatory Parker needs.
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